Me, Myself and I

LADIES & GENTLEMEN...INTRODUCING THE LATEST MUST-HAVE GADGET OF 2007!

2007-09-11T23:44:00.001+01:00

Brings a whole new meaning to the term 'camera phone'. LOL!

THE UNWITTING SUGAR MUMMY

2007-08-19T15:40:00.000+01:00

Yesterday a friend of mine chatted up a 21 year old guy. Now considering she is 29 , most people I know would gasp in horror at her sugar mummy antics, but in her defense she had no idea he was 8 years younger than she was. And she doesnt look 29, neither does he look 21 so she could be forgiven for thinking he was older.
It all happened at this wedding we attended. Having scouted the room she spotted this cute guy sitting quietly in the corner. Normally she wouldn't dare approach a guy, but my other friend ( I shall refer to her as the persuader) had been psyching her up all evening to talk to this guy and would not get off her case until she took the bold step to do so. So she finally plucked up the courage to do it and they ended up talking and dancing for like an hour. At the end of the night when the persuader asked if he took her number and my friend replied to the contrary, she then made inquiries to find out more about the guy and discovered (to our amusement) that she was practically old enough to be his mother!! (okay, okay I exaggerate just a little bit. lol)
My poor friend now feels like a cradle-snatcher, but I was encouraging her to look on the bright side; at least she got to dance with a cute guy and having a good time, which is something we rarely get to have at these affairs.
Which brings me to my question; this is mostly directed at the girls, but guys please feel free to volunteer your opinions. Would you date a guy who was younger than you? (and vice versa for the guys) and if so how much younger?
I, personally, am not an advocate for dating guys much younger than me, but one has to look at the bigger picture. If he has everything going for him, is level-headed, mature, responsible, etc the fact that he happens to be younger than me shouldn't necessarily be a big deal, but then again, some girls have a real issue with this.
On the flip side, look at the growing trend of sugar mummies who seem to be making it work - Demi Moore & Ashton Kutcher, Madonna & Guy Ritchie, etc (not that I'm aspiring to date a guy who is 20 years younger than me; that's taking it a bit too far, dont you think??)
So, back to my question - how young is too young?

THE PRODIGAL ONE RETURNS!

2007-07-12T00:56:00.000+01:00

Hey everyone!
Phew! It seems like only yesterday I was lying in bed recovering from a bout of food poisoning and posting my last blog. Six months have gone by pretty quickly. Y'all may find it hard to believe, but from time to time I do check up on the odd blog (though I dont leave any comments) just to see what's going on. You may also be wondering why I've been off the circuit for so long... and I could start spewing all the usual excuses... 'I've been too busy with work, studies, family, etc'. But I'm not going to bore you with all that .
Lets just say I'm glad to be back on the scene, though I cant promise that I'll be posting regularly (when have I ever done that? lol). But I will definitely start revisiting my favourite blogs and dropping a comment or two.

PS: thanks to my fellow bloggers who left comments on my blog during my long haitus; it's so touching to know that I've been missed!
xxx

THE GOOD, THE BAD... AND THE WEIRD

2007-01-09T21:37:00.000Z

Happy New Year peoples!! First of all apologies for taking so long to update; I’m not even going to make excuses, cos I really haven’t got any , except that my days have been filled up with preparing for my impending trip to Naija.

THE GOOD: My trip to Naija is finally nigh! I’ll be jetting off to my good ol’ motherland next week Monday ; I’m soooo excited and cant wait. Seriously, I’m really vitamin D deficient right now due to a lack of sunshine over the past 5 months, so the heat and sunshine will be very much welcome! I’m going to be a bridesmaid at my friend’s wedding. Hmmm… should be interesting – Hopefully there will be some gist to fill you all in when I get back. I’m not looking forward to the journey, though; I live in Port Harcourt and at the moment the International airport is closed for repairs( or whatever) so I’m flying to Abuja from London , then I’ll have to get a local flight to Owerri then drive down to P.H!!! Not funny at all!

In other random news, I went shopping on Sunday and I popped into Body Shop (which I don’t do very often) and when I went to pay for my items, I was offered a store discount card. It works like this - you get your card stamped for every purchase over £10 and when you get stamped 6 times, you receive a free gift worth £10. The criteria for getting this card was that my birthday (or the birthday of a close friend/ family member) has to be in January . No member of my family was born in January , and I couldn’t remember any of my friend’s birthdays straight away. Then I remembered one person who hasn’t stopped going on about her birthday this month… VERA! She’s even doing a countdown to the d-day on her blog. Anyway, Vera, thanks for making that date stick in my head cos I put it down on my application for a discount card (don’t worry I didn’t give your name;) You should be happy – it means I consider you as a member of my (blog) family. lol!

THE BAD: As I type this I’m lying in bed, just recovering from a bout of food-poisoning. It was all down to some dodgy crab meat I had on Sunday. The bad thing is that my brother, sister and dad ate it too ,so we were all struck down. Fortunately we didn’t all happen to be in the house at the same time (my dad’s gone to Italy, my sister went out of town) so there was no danger of us having to fight for the only bathroom in the house! Now that would have been the real disaster!!!

THE WEIRD: I came across this website on Young Miss Williams’ blog. It has this face recognition thingy where you can upload your picture and it scans the image and tells you which celebrity/ celebrities you most resemble on a scale of 50-100%. So I uploaded my picture and here are the (baffling) results I got:

Gabrielle Union – 76% I don’t think I particularly look like her, but if you say so…
Halle Berry – 75% Now that’s more like it!!
Beyonce Knowles – 71% Hmmm…
Brandy – 63% Is it cos I is black?!
Sophie Ellis Bextor – 59% Ok, then.
Shu Qi – 59% whoever she is!
Mischa Barton (from the OC) – 58% No comment
Nicollete Sheridan (from Desperate Housewives)- 56% Why not Eva Longoria??
Amerie – 55% Fine by me
Billie Piper – 56% WHHHAAATTTT???!!!

A weird comparison, considering the fact that numbers 5 to 10 happen to be white (with the exception of Amerie). And who the heck is Shu Qi, anyways???

ALL THAT GLITTERS DEFINITELY ISN'T GOLD!!!!

2006-12-30T20:08:00.000Z

This thought came to my mind as I was driving home from work the other day. Whilst waiting at the traffic lights, a car pulled up beside me. I happened to glance at the occupant and did a double-take ; he was foooiiinnneee!!!!! Nice hair, chiselled cheekbones, sharp suit, nice car.... dude was all that and a bag of chips!! (lol)

That is until he stuck one long, elegant finger as far up his nostril as possible, had a good dig-around, inspected the contents and ...

wait for it...

DEPOSITED IT IN HIS MOUTH!!

Eeeeewwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NASTY!

And to make matters worse, dude seemed oblivious to the fact that he was being watched and continued to rummage through and feast on the contents of his nasal passages and it was like I was watching a train wreck; I couldn't tear my eyes away...

That is until the lights changed green. Beleive me , I couldn't get away fast enough!!!

MY BEST FRIEND

2006-12-23T00:22:00.000Z

Where do I start on this one?

I’ve known her for about 8 years now. We met when I was in the 1^st year of Uni through her cousin. I remember that day; I was in the lounge watching t..v. and she popped her head through the door, and asked me if I’d seen her cousin. I replied that I hadn’t and then she left and returned later with to watch t.v. whilst she waited for her cousin to show up. We got talking and I remember thinking, ‘ she’s alright, she’s funny.’

On various occasions, as was the case back then, we all used to go clubbing/partying together . Once we were standing in line waiting to get into the club and she got chatting to this random American girl who was in front of us. The babe started speaking in some serious American ‘fune’!!! I was in hysterics and the fact that we had to queue up for almost and hour in the freezing cold didn’t bother me as much ‘cos I was kept entertained the whole time!

We kind of kept in touch from then on, but I think the point at which we got closer was when her Uni’s Afro-carribean society had a party at some club and she introduced me to a friend of hers, who I hit it off with (though not instantly!) I think he was the reason we started talking a lot more 'cos she was constantly ringing me to ask me how things were going with him, etc.

Said guy has since long gone, but our friendship has stayed strong over the years. Looking back, I realise we have shared a lot of experiences ; both the good, the bad, the happy and the not so happy. At a period in my life I was going through a very rough patch - I was involved in a relationship that was not so healthy for me and when I was finally honest enough to admit this she refused to let me get into that ‘I’m feeling sorry for myself’ mode and bluntly gave me a good talking to! To an outsider listening in on that conversation it would have sounded like she was being harsh and unsympathetic, but in retrospect, I think that if she hadn’t told me those few home truths, I might still find myself in that relationship today.

She is one of the most selfless, generous people I know and is forever throwing surprise parties for friends on their birthdays, wether or not they feel like celebrating it. I remember my birthday a few years ago; I had invited about 10 of my friends out for a birthday dinner at some restaurant and 2 days prior to it they all started pulling out for one reason or the other. I was so upset and wanted to cancel the whole thing , but she convinced me to still have it , even if it was just going to be the two of us. So I did and imagine my surprise when, a few minutes after we arrived, everyone else all started showing up, one by one!! It was all a conspiracy between them and the plan was to surprise me by eventually turning up when I ddint expect them to, and beleive me I was pleasantly surprised!! On my birthday this year; I was in a very funny mood (in a bit of a funk, as Belle would say. lol) and I just wanted to be on my own and not even talk to anybody. Most people would have just let me be and wait for my mood to pass, but not her; she went ahead and planned a surprise for me, in the hopes that she could persuade me out of my funk. But I was adamant that I would not be celebrating that day and so unfortunately her efforts were wasted. Needless to say I felt and still do feel very bad that I didn’t appreciate what she was trying to do for me at the time, especially when I found out the lengths to whcih she had gone.

One selfless act I will never forget happened about 2 years ago when I found myself in a spot of bother over a speeding incident. I was subsequenty summoned to court and I literally freaked out because I didn’t have a UK driving licence at the time; I was still using my international one, but I thought ‘ oh my God, I’m going to have a criminal record and be charged with dangerous driving!’ Being a barrister, she offered to attend as my counsel to plead my case for me ( free of charge !). And it was a good thing she did bcos I was shaking like a leaf and couldn’t even speak for myself; I was so nervous!!!! That incident really touched me and for me it gives a whole new meaning to the term ‘through thick and thin.’

She has helped me grow as a christian, and while I do not claim to be the best I can be now (I’m still working on it and like everyone else I slip so very often), I can definitely say that my friendship with her has spiritually influenced me in a positive way. My love affair with gospel music really began after she introduced me to the various artists all from different genres and from then on I began to take more of an interest. She has been there and prayed for me and with me, particularly when I have been going through some tough times. I don’t always share my thoughts and let on what I’m really feeling but she knows and is always ready to offer advice and support, never mincing her words. If you’re looking for someone who will sugar-coat everything and tell you what you want to hear, beleive me she is the last person you should look for.

I really value her as a person for all of the above reasons as well as the fact with her what you see is what you get; when she’s angry or upset with she will make sure you know how she feels, but then the minute its all out of her system, she’ll be back to her normal crazy self. In this respect we’ve had our fair share of quarrels and arguments (remember New York, babes? ) She will go out of her way for the people she cares about and expects the same from them. Quite a few times, this expectation has not always been met (I’m speaking for myself here) but now I realise that’s what really makes a good friend and have learnt from my own shortcomings.

So as her birthday comes around this year I thought what better way to show my appreciation than to post a little tribute to her and let her know how much I really value her friendship. I don’t often say it bcos I’m not, and never have been, very good with words, but today I just want everyone to join me in celebrating one of the best friends anyone could ever wish for.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DILCH!!!!

TO GIVE OR NOT TO GIVE, THAT IS THE QUESTION?

2006-12-04T22:10:00.000Z

Hey peoples!!! I know, I know its been a long minute (as Engineer Ayo would say) since I've updated or even commented on any blogs. Y'all dont even wanna get me started on all the stress of work , bcos once I start I wont be able to stop!
Anyways I trust you've all been good whilst I've been M.I.A. lol. Man, I've got a lot of catching up to do, oh!! But first let me post something before some people will swear for me. (Vera abeg warn your man , Naijabloke, oh! What am I even saying? You too, you even followed him to be harrassing me! lol)

Well I actually thought of posting this a while back. The idea came to me when I was reading Calabargal's post on some randy bloke she encountered at the train station. He asked her for her telephone number and she lied that she left her phone at home, but whilst she was talking to him, her phone rang, blowing her cover!!! That got me thinking back to the numerous times in the past when I'd been asked for my phone number by some random guy I had just met at party but wasn't even remotedly interested in.
To the ladies: what excuse do you give when you so DO NOT want to give your digits out to some dude you know you definitely wont be speaking to once you leave that particular club/party/get together? Do you :

A. Give a fake number and pray he doesn't call it whilst you're standing there just to prove it's authenticity?
B. Give your real number , but also get his and save it on your phone so that whenever he calls you know its him and can therefore avoid answering?
C. Make some excuse about your phone (as Calabargal did) and take his number instead, knowing fully well you aren't going to call him.
D. Decline politely, but firmly.

Now I'm sure most people would say that the last option is the simplest and the most sensible thing to do , but if, like me, you find it very difficult to say no, sometimes it seems like it is less of a hassle to just come up with an excuse and be done with it. But believe me I tried all of the above excuses in the past only for them to backfire on me. Let me illustrate with the following experiences:

Option A: Some guy I met at a friend's party once asked for my number and of course I gave hima fake number. He didnt try to dial it in front of me, so I thought I'd get away with it. Only for a couple of days later , my friend's brother (who he happens to be friend's with) tells my friend to tell me that the guy had tried calling the number, realised it was a fake one and had rained insults upon my head! I wont repeat the exact words , but I'm sure you get the picture.
Another time I gave a guy at a club a fake number, thinking he wont bother to try and call it as we were in a club! But guess what, he did; right there and then! Needless to say I couldn't make my escape fast enough. lol

Option B: At another party , upon being askled for my number I gave every excuse in the book in order to avoid giving it, but dude just wouldn't take no for an answer! so finally I conceded just to get him off my case and gave him my number but also took his and saved it on my phone under the name 'x' . Everytime he called me I never answered it; for weeks the dude tried and tried and I then I started to get irritated. I thought, ' doesn't this guy give up?' Then he called me on a witheld number . Now I always pick up my phone when I see it's a witheld number bcos most of the time its an international call. I answered and imagine my shock when I was greeted with insults! Dude was going on about how 'you have no home training' and ' you need to learn some f***ing manners!' Na wa oh!!! Because I don't want to talk to you?! When I told you I didnt want to give you my number, you said I was fronting! It's not your fault at all. Na me wey look for trouble! **hiss**

Option C: A friend and I were at a bar and some random guys approached us and asked if they could buy us drinks. Normally I wont accept such an offer but my friend was like 'why not?' So, time for us to leave and , you guessed it, he asked for my number. I was going to lie and say that my phone got stolen, but unfortunately he had already seen me using it . So I lied that I had a boyfriend, but that didnt faze him. He insisted that I take his number, which I did. Then he said, 'why dont you ring it now, so I can make sure its the right number as its a new phone.' Without thinking I called the number! And then realised too late that as a result my number would show up on his phone!! Which it did; I was so mad at myself; what the heck was I thinking? or rather I wasnt thinking at the time. Anyways there followed a few weeks of him calling and me not picking up. Finally I had to get my cousin to answer my phone and pretend to be my boyfriend and warn him to stop calling me. It wasnt funny!

Bottom line; I never give out my number anymore. I try to stick with option D and if the guy thinks I'm fronting, too bad! I think I've received enough insults and harrassment over the whole thing and its certainly not worth all the hassle. And do you know the most annoying thing - the guy you wouldn't mind giving your number to never seems to ask for it!!!

CYNICAL, MOI?

2006-11-13T09:25:00.000Z

Last weekend saw yet another attempt (by my somewhat crazy friend) at hooking me up. The babe called me on Thursday evening to say that she was dragging me along to some guy's birthday dinner party on saturday. Our conversation went something like this:

me: so who is this guy then? (thinking maybe it was someone from her church I didnt know)

her: Oh, he's a friend of xxx's. I dont know him personally.

me: So why are you so keen to go to his birthday then? Are you that jobless/ bored? (by the way my somewhat crazy friend is in a happy relationship herself, so no ulterior motives there, or so I thought...)

her: I just thought it would be fun...

me: (still not getting it) fun in what way?

her: stop asking questions, jare! Its just some guy who's a friend of a friend and he is turning 30 and besides he is Igbo.
Aha! The penny finally dropped and I didnt know whether to laugh or hiss very loudly. ( I think I managed to do both simultaenously).

me: oh, so what makes you think I would be interested in attending some random guy's 30th, just because he is Igbo?

her: you never know. xxxx says he is also good-looking and her taste is similar to your's. for her to say that someone is fine, he must be really fine!!

My people , make una see me see trouble oh! This babe and I have been friends for about 7 years; you would think she gets me by now. According to her my only criteria for dating a guy (or even giving him the time of day ) is if he was 1. Igbo and 2. Good -looking and not necessarily in that order. I wont lie and say that I wouldnt rather date a guy who was from my tribe, but if he happens to be non-igbo and I click with him, then I'm open to it as well. And as for the 'looks' thingy , which person (male or female) can say in all honesty that they are not initially attracted to someone based on their appearance? Well, if anyone denies this, then I'm afraid I would beg to differ; I think its very rare that this is the case. But at the end of the day, what one person may find attractive, another may not; its all purely subjective. This is the one thing I can never seem to make her understand - even she has experienced what I'm talking about in the past. Anyways, back to our conversation. I finally agreed (grudgingly) to accompany her to this dinner. So on Friday she rings me at work:

her: So what are you going to wear to the dinner?

me: What do you think? jeans of course!

her: why? you need to make an effort, you know.

me: why should I?

her: (sighing melodramatically) you are so pessimistic. Why dont you ever have any hope that you will hit it off with any one/have fun? The bible says that the expectations of the righteous will not be cut short and if your expectations are that you are not going to enjoy yourself, they will certainly not be cut short!

me: I dont need to have any hope, cos it seems like you have enough for the both of us and you aint even looking!

Long story short, we ended up not going to the dinner because xxxx couldn't make it herself, and I certainly wasn't going to be gate-crashing some random guy's birthday all in the name of getting my groove on! (Even though somewhat crazy friend tried to convince me otherwise. I'm still not sure if she was being serious or not).

Food for thought :This got me wondering; maybe I'm getting cynical in my old age. (not that I'm that old, o!) But if , like me, you've been in countless situations where someone has tried to play cupid, and 9 times out of 10 its ended ...not so well, then surely you should be forgiven for having such a nonchalant attitude towards the whole dating scene. Dont get me wrong, I'm no destiny's child (Independent woman) or pussy cat dolls ('I dont need a man') - those aint my regular anthems, of course I would eventually love to settle down with my 'Mr Right' but do I have to beat myself up in the quest to find him? I've heard from so many of my friends ( who are now or were in relationships) whose experience was that sometimes 'love' came knocking when they least expected or weren't searching for it. So I figured , why dont I take the same approach - sit back, relax, and kick up my feet and let whatever will be, be?

ps: The last statement is, by no means, a declaration that I intend to take a completely passive stance on the whole dating matter, rather I am determined not to stress myself out over it.
pps: To my somewhat crazy friend - you know I still luuuurve ya, right?

NA WA FOR NOLLYWOOD!

2006-11-09T17:21:00.000Z

A friend of mine sent me this email today and I couldn't help laughing! Because its all so true; I particularly agree with numbers 10, 14 and especially number 20. How many times have you watched a Naija movie where someone has been hit by a car or shot in the leg and next thing you see them in hospital with their head bandaged like a mummy! THE HILARITY OF IT ALL!! lol.

Things we have learnt from Nollywood

Every problem you have is spiritual.
In every romance movie, someone must die.
It is possible to hit a person without actually touching them!
Anyone who gets hit by a car dies immediately.
Poisoned food tastes better...
The best way to make money is by visiting a 'Babalawo'.
At least one of a pair of twins (identical or not) is born evil.
There is never an end to your suffering, except death!
With a pastor... all things are possible
A movie can be titled anything... such as - the boy is mine, Two rats, Spanner, Calculator.
A movie has not been made if at least one actor/actress has not- 'shelled', twisted his/her lips to speak wrong phonetics'.
You are in love... you want to take your girl out, the best place you take her to is... Mr. Biggs, Tantalizers, the beach or the best- take her to buy some new ugly clothes.
An Igbo movie has been made if...
* You visit a 'Babalawo'
* A fleet of cars is shown off
* Kanayo 'O' Kanayo is in the movie, Pete Edochie is also there too!
* To get rich it is mandatory you join a cult
Gun shots and Knock-out sound the same!
Most times the title has absolutely nothing to do with the movie.
A love story has not been produced if it does not have one or two of the following cast actresses;
* Stella Damascus
* Stephanie Okereke
* Genevieve Nnaji
* Omotola Jalade
* Rita Dominic
The police are extremely 'efficient' unlike their counterparts in real life...
An actress can wear the same hairdo for more than a year...
It is permissible to wear very dark shades at night!
When you are shot in the chest, it really doesn't matter; your head will be bandaged! Same for your legs!
When advertising a movie, you really should shout because... people are deaf?
When you are extremely poor, you will still be able to afford- very good furniture, T.V., but you won't be able to send your kids to school.
All past scenes are in black and white
Future scenes are always ten or twenty years later
Everyone uses their party dresses and make up even when cooking in the kitchen or sleeping

S.A.D

2006-10-30T17:40:00.000Z

It got dark at about 4pm today. **sigh** This time of the year really makes me feel so low, bcos some 'days' dont actually feel like days, but more like nights. I mean, some 'days' I wake up and its dark outside, I go to work, spend the whole day indoors and when I leave at about 6pm it's still pitch dark outside.
I've lived in this country for about 11 years now and the weather is the one thing I have still not gotten used to. I can say I'm now used to the
eccentric behaviour and mannerisms of the British
sometimes strange cuisine (crisp sandwich, anyone? )
oh-so- stiff upper lip attitude of the British
DRY (or should I say 'arid') british sense of humour
and so much more. But this seasonal change, this time of the year when everything just seems to be slowing down and everyone seems to go into hibernation (maybe its bcos the days become shorter and the nights longer?) I still cant get my head around and honestly speaking, I don't think I ever will.
There was an article in the Metro today on SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) , a condition that affects about half a million Britons. The theory behind this affliction is that lack of sunlight in the winter months destabilises chemical levels in the brain and this results in decreased levels of the 'feel-good' hormones and increased levels of the hormone that depresses mood. Sufferers experience lethargy, depression, irritation, disturbed sleep patterns and tend to comfort eat and gain weight during this period, but all of these symptoms are completely alleviated during the summer. The mainstay of treatment is phototherapy (intensive light therapy) in which special light boxes are used to mimic natural sunlight , giving sufferers the illusion that they are in a brighter climate.
Reading this article reminded me of a very interesting post I came across on a blog a while back. (See HERE) Basically her take on the reason why such disorders, including depression are not common amongst Africans,(and by Africans, I'm referring specifically to Nigerians) is that trying to cope with the daily struggles of life - food, shelter,education, employment, security, etc - leaves very little room for us to get depressed. I totally agree with her viewpoint because it makes sense; even more sense than what I was thought about the pathophysiology of depression at University. (Dont get me wrong, I'm not trying to trivialise this condition as I know it actually exists, I'm just trying to decipher why it occurs in the first place.)
And of course, having the fear of God and the assurance that we are all fearfully and wonderfully made and have been put on this earth for a purpose is another reason. If we as humans focus on this irefutable fact then would there actually be a place in our lives for depression?
I've got a lot to be thankful for, why should I be depressed? I'm alive, healthy and so are my loved ones. A couple of months of no sunshine will not be a reason for me to wallow in despair or be SAD. Only another seven or so months to go until summer comes around again.

THE HEIGHT OF COURTESY

2006-10-25T16:36:00.000+01:00

The British are renowned for being one of the (if not THE) most polite group of people in the world. But I can't help but laugh to myself and wonder, sometimes don't they take it a bit too far? The over- use of the words 'please' 'excuse me' 'thank you' and 'sorry' sometimes tend to be a bit ridiculous, especially the latter two.
Let me illustrate with the exchange played out below, which I'm sure most of us have been privy to during our shopping trips to Tesco, Asda, etc:

shopper brings his/her shopping to the checkout and proceeds to unload it onto the conveyor belt

cashier: thank you (smiles or maybe not?)

shopper: thanks

cashier scans items

cashier: that will be £25, thank you.

shopper: (proferring cash/card) thank you

cashier: (scans card/rings in cash into till) can you enter your pin number, please. thanks
OR (if paying by cash) that's your £5 change. thanks.

shopper: thank you. Bye

cashier: thank you. bye

lol. Uneccessary or what? I even find myself doing it sometimes; I think its been programmed into my system as a result of being around British people. Like, just now, a lady knocked at my office door and as I let her in, she thanks me and I thank her in reply. WHAAATTTT!!! What was the point in saying that? 'thank you for thanking me for opening the door for you?' Maybe I've lived here too long.
Another example (and most of us that travel on the tube/trains/buses will have experienced this) is when you're on a packed tube/bus and someone mistakenly bumps into you/sneezes all over you/steps on your foot, etc and they quickly apologise and you say 'its alright!' Er, no it's not!
I might as well say, 'Its alright.Spray me with your germs all you want, its fine by me. I dont mind.' Why not just smile at them and leave it at that?
Or when someone bumps into you and says 'sorry' and you say 'sorry' as well, just to ease the tension, even though the other person is clearly at fault (ok, maybe this just happens with me, then).
Yup, I've definitely been here tooooooooo long!!

A BIT OF TOILET HUMOUR

2006-10-19T13:54:00.000+01:00

These people at my work never cease to amaze me! Imagine my immense amusement when I went into the ladies today and found yet another notice had been put up on the inside of the toilet door. It read:

DEAR LADIES

IF YOU PASS A MOTION PLEASE ENSURE THAT IT HAS BEEN FLUSHED AWAY AS IT VERY UNPLEASANT FOR SUBSEQUENT USERS. THE CLEANER SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO CLEAR THE TOILET IN THIS SITAUTION.

I actually burst out of the ladies laughing , much to the surprise of two of my colleagues, who were probably wondering if I'd finally lost it! I think this is a classic example of how prim and proper the British can be... I mean who uses the word 'motion' in their everyday vocabulary?!! But what is NOT so funny is the fact that this is probably the 4th notice that has been put up in the ladies, concerning it's state of hygeine or lack, thereof. Other notices have included the following:

LADIES

IF YOU CROUCH OVER THE TOILET SEAT PLEASE ENSURE THAT YOU LEAVE IT AS YOU FOUND IT, I.E. WITH A CLEAN, DRY SEAT

DEAR STAFF

PLEASE BE AWARE THAT THERE ARE FACILITIES PROVIDED FOR THE DISPOSAL OF SANITARY ITEMS. COULD STAFF PLEASE MAKE SURE THAT THE TOILET IS LEFT CLEAN AFTER USE FOR OTHER PEOPLE TO USE WITHOUT CAUSING EMBARRASMENT

HONESTLY!! You would think that grown, mature women would be decent enough to keep the toilet clean after using it; even if the toilets in their homes aren't, at least consider other people at work and make an effort, if anything to avoid embarrasing themselves! I wonder if the men's toilet has so many such notices. (not that I'm going to go out of my way to find out,oh! lol)

On the other hand, at least it ensures that we are never short of reading material when we go into the ladies! hehehe....

THE ANSWER GAME

2006-10-18T19:10:00.000+01:00

I got tagged by Vera. Thanks girl; I've got a bit of blogger's block so at least I have something to blog about, until I get some new ideas. So here goes...

FOUR JOBS YOU'VE HAD IN YOUR LIFE:

Customer services assistant at Burger King and KFC (glorified waitress)
Medical laboratory assistant
Telemarketing executive (for like 30 minutes!)
Shop assistant at a boutique

FOUR FICTIONAL JOBS YOU WISH YOU HAD:

Presenter on a holiday t.v show
After watching 'the Devil wears Prada', I wouldn't mind working as a fashion editor's assistant for Vogue. That way I get access to all the clothes, but without the responsibility that comes with being the actual editor. lol
Shoe designer
brain surgeon (without having to spend 20 years in med school)

Ok, I couldn't think of any fictional jobs I'd wish I had, except locking people up for crimes against fashion (fashion police) so I've listed actual jobs I wish I had.

FOUR MOVIES YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN

Bridget Jones's diary
Shrek (I&II)
Coming to America
You got served

FOUR CITIES YOU'VE LIVED IN

Madrid, Spain
London, England
Port-Harcourt, Nigeria
Spinkhill, Derbyshire (actually its more like a village than a city)

FOUR T.V. SHOWS YOU LOVE TO WATCH

Scrubs (love it, love it,love it!!!!!)
America's next top model (for the drama)
Grey's anatomy (when I actually catch it on t.v!)
House (same as above)

FOUR PLACES YOU'VE BEEN ON VACATION/TRAVELLED TO

Spain
Portugal
America (specifically Chicago, New York, Maryland)
Aberdeen

FOUR WEBSITES YOU VISIT DAILY

Blogspot (naturally)
Google
NWLH intranet (work-related)
hotmail

FOUR OF YOUR FAVOURITE FOODS

Spag bol
cheese and bacon toastie
chips, chips, chips!
thai green curry

FOUR THINGS YOU WON'T EAT

Frog legs (never again!)
Lobster , shrimps, prawns ... in fact most seafood
yam porridge
Onugbu (bitterleaf) soup

FOUR THINGS YOU WISH YOU COULD EAT/DRINK NOW

Jollof rice from Tinubu square (a naija restaurant near my house)
Chinese
Chicken caeser wrap and chips a la Chiquito's
Damn! all this talk of food is making me hungry!!!!

FOUR THINGS IN YOUR BEDROOM

loads of shoes
loads of cd's
loads of handbags
loads of clothes
Its a wonder I have room for anything else!

FOUR THINGS YOU WISH YOU HAD IN YOUR BEDROOM

sky t.v (I hate having to come down to the living room; its always cold in there!)
more shoes
more clothes
more handbags
I'm working on numbers 2, 3 and 4

FOUR THINGS YOU ARE WEARING NOW

my glasses
pj's
a sweater
a navel ring (does that count?)

FOUR PLACES I'D RATHER BE RIGHT NOW

Naija
Cuba
The Algarves
Anywhere but here!

FOUR PEOPLE YOU'D REALLY LOVE TO HAVE DINNER WITH

Tyra Banks. I think she seems like a down to earth gal.
George Bush (YEAH RIGHT!)
That fine doc that I used to work with. Forget dinner, I could drown in those lovely brown eyes.....
All the bloggers on my faves list. Can you imagine how MAD & FUN that would be!!!

FOUR THINGS YOU'RE THINKING OF RIGHT NOW

I wish I could snap my fingers and a plate of Tinubu square jollof rice would appear in front of me.
Scrubs is sooooo funny!!!!!! (its on t.v at the moment)
Aaargghhhhh!!! I wish this darn tooth didnt hurt so much!
Does my bum look big in this????

FOUR OF YOUR FAVOURITE THINGS

music
anything sweet
sleeping
kissing (not that I go around kissing every Tom, Dick and Harry!)

FOUR PEOPLE YOU HAVE TAGGED

Nkem
Opium
Rose-tinted glasses
Engineer Ayo
Anybody else reading this who hasn't been tagged yet.

STALKER ANTHEMS

2006-10-17T00:11:00.000+01:00

I wouldn't say that I'm a sucker for love songs, but I can (proudly) declare that I know the lyrics to at least 90% of the songs that are played on the likes of Heart fm or Magic fm. (hey what can I say, I have a very retentive memory!)
I love all the golden oldies, especially songs from the motown era; Lionel Ritchie, Marvin Gaye, Stevie Wonder, etc... they are credited with singing some of the most beautiful songs ever. I've got an eclectic taste and also love songs by Abba, Chicago, Phil Collins; the list is endless.
Now whilst I may know the words to so many songs, I must admit that I dont necessarily pay attention to their lyrics, rather its the melody, the tune and harmonies of the song that captivate me . Which leads me to the point of this post.
I recently bought the 'Chicago's greatest hits' album. For those of you that dont remember, some of their popular hits include 'hard for me to say I'm sorry' , 'If you leave me now' and 'hard habit to break'. So I was playing the album in my car last week , listening to the first track (hard habit to break) and my (somewhat crazy) friend suddenly remarks, 'you know this song sounds like a stalker anthem!' According to her, a stalker anthem is a song that sounds so desperate that it wouldnt be far off from what a stalker would sing to the object of his/her affection. The lyrics are filled with so much longing that it almost borders on obsession with the subject in question. Actually listening to the lyrics of the above song, the chorus goes like this:

Now being without you takes a lot of getting used to
Should learn to live with it but I don't want to
Living without you it's all a big mistake
Instead of getting easier It's the hardest thing to take
I'm addicted to ya babe. You're a hard habit to break

When I really paid attention to the words of the song, I grudgingly realised that she was right; it does sound a bit stalker-ish. So, with her help, I've compiled a list of my top ten stalker anthems. Feel free to add to this as I'm sure my list is not exhaustive.

10. End of the road - Boys II Men. Some of you are going to cuss me out on this one, but a part of the chorus does sound a tad desperate, hence the reason it's number 10 on my list:

Although we've come to the End Of The Road; still I can't let you go.It's unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you

9. Can't stop loving you - Phil Collins.

‘Cause I can’t stop loving you. No I can’t stop loving you. No I won’t stop loving you .Why should I? (Na by force?)

8. Damned - Bon Jovi. The chorus of this song sounds almost angry!

Damned if you love me. Damned if you don't. It's getting harder holding on, but I can't let you go. Damned if you don't need me. Damned if you do. God, I wish it wasn't me standin' in these shoes. Damned, damned ...

7. Hard habit to break - Chicago (see lyrics above)

6. I dont wanna live without your love - Chicago

I don't wanna live without your love, I don't wanna face the night alone.

I could never make it through my life if I had to make it on my own.

I don't wanna love nobody else, I don't wanna find somebody new.

I don't wanna live without your love, I just wanna live my life with you.

5. I dont want to - Toni Braxton . Now the whole song , to me, has stalker undertones, but the bridge and the chorus particularly stand out:

And I don't want to sing another love song babe. I don't want to hum another melody

I don't want to live my life without you babe yeah .It's driving me crazy (crazy)

I don't wanna laugh, I don't wanna play,I don't wanna talk, I have nothing to say

I don't want to tour, forget this show and how can I go on now that you are gone

4. Breathe again - Toni Braxton

If I never feel you in my arms again .If I never feel your tender kiss again

If I never hear I love you now and then. Will I never make love to you once again

Please understand if love ends then I promise you, I promise you

that, that I shall never breathe again. Breathe again breathe again.

That I shall never breathe again. Breathe again

And this line from the 3rd verse does have the potential to send chills down one's spine (if it wasn't already from a song we all know and love):

And I can't get you outta my mind. God knows how hard I tried

And if you walk right out my life God knows I'd surely die!!

3. I'm gonna make you love me - Diana Ross and Smokey Robinson. I really, really love this song, but the chorus does make me laugh:

I'm gonna get you, I'm gonna get you. Look out boy cos I'm gonna get you!

I'm gonna make you love me. Oh yes I will, yes I will...

2. Without you - Mariah Carey. A truly beautiful song, I think the song speaks for itself.

I can't live If living is without you. I can't live I can't give any more

And the ultimate, number one stalker anthem goes to :

Every breath you take - Sting

Every breath you take. Every move you make.

Every bond you break, every step you take I'll be watching you

O can't you see You belong to me. How my poor heart aches with every step you take

Every move you make. Every vow you break

Every smile you fake, every claim you stake I'll be watching you!!!

So there you have it. What I consider to be the top ten 'stalker anthems' in my collection. But never mind; I still love them , regardless.

AND THE AWARD FOR 'trashiest talkshow ever' GOES TO....

2006-10-12T19:08:00.000+01:00

British daytime television is absolutely rubbish! I've had the week off work and because my sister is at home too I've been forced to watch all the crap talkshows that plague most of the tv channels. From Trisha to Ricki Lake (I didnt know she was still alive!) its all just a crap-fest of tasteless, tacky daytime viewing!
But one talkshow that really takes the biscuit is the 'Jeremy Kyle' show. Where do I start on this one? Is it the idiotic, cliched topics of discussion - most are along the lines of :
'Mum, stop sleeping with my boyfriends!'
'I had to sell my home to fund my teenage son's drug habit'
'my husband loves to wear my underwear'
The list goes on and on and just when I think it cant get any worse, good ol' Jeremy comes up with yet another even more ridiculous story in an attempt to fascinate (or should I say repulse?). Pardon me, but I thought these talkshow hosts were supposed to be impartial and give the guests a chance to narrate their side of the story? Oh, but not Jeremy; I think he is one the most judgemental, patronising, condescending human beings ever to grace television! Its almost comical the way he waltzes around the stage, acting all high and mighty, whilst at the same time taking every opportunity he can to fling insults at the guest if he/she says something that he doesn't aggree with.
For example I was watching (under diuress, of course) the show yesterday, with the topic being, ' I have 6 different kids by 6 different men and dont know who my 7th baby-daddy is' (or something like that) Anyways the woman in question gets into an arguement with 2 of the baby-fathers and in the midst of this Jeremy asks, 'so why did you sleep with her then?' to which baby-daddy no.1 replies, 'I dont know, I was drunk...' BIG MISTAKE!!
Jeremy, who hardly gives the audience a chance to voice their criticisms, responded by blasting the three of them with,' YOU IMMORAL HUMAN BEINGS! HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF CONTRACEPTION?! After he finished his tirade he then proceeded to bark at baby-daddy no.2 ,'you are a good-for-nothing so and so. Get off my stage!'
Mind you, if you're the sort of character who will appear on a show like that, airing your dirty laundry for all the world to see, I guess you deserve whatever is coming to you.
As for the audience, its never really clear exactly who they are supporting or who they are against. One minute they're cheering , the next they're booing at the same person. It's like the director is standing behind the camera with cue cards, prompting them when to cheer or applaud or boo. And I thought Jerry Springer was trashy!
*sigh* Honestly I need to use my free time more productively. From now on I will only watch the teleshopping channels on my week off. But seriously you have been warned! If you watch the Jeremy Kyle show, you watch at your own peril!!

HELP!! TECHNOPHOBE ALERT!

2006-10-11T20:50:00.000+01:00

I need help from all you blogger whizkids out there. My last post keeps showing that I have zero comments, but I have like 6. (not that I'm counting ,but its quite discouraging when I log in and see the number '0' in front of comments. lol)
Also I tried adding in 3 more links to my link list, but they're not coming up.I've tried re-publishing my settings page, but to no avail. Being the technophobe that I am, I'm scared of trying to fiddle with too much on , lest I completely scramble everything up.
Any pointers? and please could it be as simplified as possible, as in 'blog trouble-shooting for dummies' style, bcos knowing myself I'll probably get confused just trying to decipher all that technical mumbo-jumbo.
Many thanks!

MOTHER ON A MISSION - THE CONCLUSION

2006-10-07T20:37:00.000+01:00

I know that you guys are eagerly awaiting the findings of my detective work regarding MOAM and her suspicious interest in little ol' me. (Chei, una too like gist, oh!! lol). But anyway sha, I will deliver as promised.
So when I got home that evening I called my friend, Chioma, whose sister is apparently friend's with MOAM's daughter, Stella and I narrated all that happened to her. She admitted that she does know Stella, albeit not very well as she is more of her sister's mate, and she has only met her mother a couple of times , so doesnt really know much about her.

me: so did you or your sister tell her about me or mention me to her at all? why did she come looking for me? how does she know where I work?

Chioma: No I didn't. I dont even know the woman that well and I dont recall her even coming to our house recently.

me: ask your sister, then. she must have said something to her friend about me. I dont know, maybe Stella thinks she knows me from somewhere?
I guess I was probably clutching at straws here, but I know my friend wouldnt lie to me or try to hide anything from me, so the fact that she was equally as baffled made the matter even more intriguing.

Anyway we rack our brains for a few more minutes and then suddenly Chioma says, 'hang on a minute; I've got to ask my sister something.' I then hear her shout to her sister in the background , ' Oby, does your friend Stella have a brother?' and her sister shouts back 'YES!'

My people, so there you have it! It turns out, from further questioning, that MOAM has a son, in his 30's , who may or may not be single (this fact is not fully known by either Chioma or her sister) and it appears that she had seen me at my work place one day, liked the way I looked (I guess) and had taken it upon herself to try and hook me up with her son. I dont know where she made her enquiries about me or how she found out about me, but coincidentaly, by a weird twist of fate, it also now turned out that she knows my friend.
BUT, as I'm typing this I'm actually thinking to myself, 'this is too much of a co-incidence; something doesn't quite add up here. Even if this woman had spotted me randomly what are the chances that she would mention me to her daughter and that her daughter just happens to have a friend whose sister knows me????? SERIOUSLY, WHAT ARE THE CHANCES OF THAT HAPPENING? Hmmm....... ok, now I can definitely smell a rat, but as I've got no more leads to go on, I'm just going to have to accept the story as it stands, and so will you guys, until I can prove otherwise.
Whether or not her son knows what his mother and sister were up to, I dont know; I sure hope he was kept in the dark about all this, bcos otherwise how sad and desperate would that be? But you've just got to laugh... I mean didn't know that in this day and age things like this still happened; I thought these things were done on the sly, with a little more under-G, lol. I wonder what MOAM was planning to do - introduce me to her son and say 'hey,son, look at the nice girl I found for you. You wont believe all the effort I went through to get her!'
Needless to say I didn't call MOAM or her daughter. My friend, Chioma, thinks I should, at least to try and find out what the deal really is. I mentioned this to another friend of mine and her reply was, 'WHAT? ARE YOU MAD! DONT EVEN DARE! DO YOU WANT THEM TO THINK YOU ARE DESPERATE TO BE HOOKED UP TOO? Or something along those lines.
I guess now that my curiousity has been aroused I am intrigued to know more, so if MOAM does appear on the scene again.....who knows what I might do?

I DONT UNDERSTAND!

2006-10-04T15:48:00.000+01:00

Can someone please explain to me what is the purpose of that 'word verification' thing that comes up when you want to leave a comment on some blogs?
I find it very pointless and annoying; I just want to write my comment and post it one time; I really dont see the point in having to type out some random letters before I can do that. Abi dem blogspot people just want to test wether I can actually read and write? If couldnt , I wont be able to use a computer, let alone be blogging in the first place?
Abeg, can someone help me satisfy my curiosity, bcos me, I no understand!

MOTHER ON A MISSION

2006-10-04T12:26:00.000+01:00

The story I'm about to recount actually happpened to me a couple of months ago. I was at work one fine, uneventful day when this lady comes up to my department asking for me; normally I wouldn't have batted an eyelid, except that she actually asked for me by my Nigerian name, a name very few people ( except those closest to me) call me. So I approached her, greeted her and asked her how I could be of assistance, all the time wondering who she was and how she knew my name. The dialogue was as follows:

MOAM: Ngozi* nwa m, kedu? (Ngozi my child, how are you?)

me: I'm fine ma. I'm sorry... but do I know you? (thinking that maybe she was some long lost aunty or a friend of my parents, someone from our hometown, etc) NOTE: this question was asked in the most polite, respectful way possible.

MOAM: (ignoring the question) You're Ngozi, arent you? its nice to see you; you're looking well.

me: yes, I'm Ngozi, but I dont seem to recognise you.

MOAM: I'm Mrs Chido*. (said in a way that suggested I should automatically recognise the name) i bu Ngozi onye? ( Ngozi who? i.e. what's your surname?)
By this point I should have sussed that something wasnt quite right, why was she asking me what my surname was if she knew me? But I answered the question, nevertheless.

me: Ngozi Okafor*. Do you know my parents?

MOAM: (smiling) ok. You're from Anambra state, right? what part?

me: Nnewi.

MOAM: you live locally?

me: yes, I live in Colindale (me and my verbal diarrhoea!!!)

At this point the phone in my office rings. I excuse myself and answer it. Its Carol, one of my colleagues, ringing from another department.

Carol: Jane* (referring to me by my english name) I've just had someone over here a few minutes ago asking for you, but she didnt seem to know exactly who she was looking for. First she asked if there was someone called Julie, then she asked for Janice. I said there was no one by that name working here, then she gave a description that matched you. So I asked her if the person she was after was known by another name; she didnt seem to know, but she said she was looking for a nigerian girl. Then another colleague asked, 'is her name also Ngozi?' and the lady was like, 'YES!' straightaway. 'she's the one I'm looking for!' So we directed her to your office, but I kept thinking it was a bit strange the way she acted, that's why I'm calling you.

me: thanks Carol. (put down the phone and addressed MOAM). Sorry, where did you say you know me from again?

MOAM: erm, you know my daughter Stella*? she went to FGGC Owerri.

me: no. I dont know anyone by that name and I didnt go to FGGC Owerri

MOAM: She has twins and she is going to throw a party for their 1st birthday which is coming up. She just moved to Colindale too , but she doesnt know a lot of people there, so she's looking to make some friends. If you like you can come over for the party, meet her , get to know her.

Obviously by this time my suspicion sensors had been fully activated. Who was she, what did she want from me and why was she asking all these questions? It was so obvious she did not know me either, so what was she playing at? I decided to make a quick getaway.

me: I'm sorry, but I dont know your daughter. I really have to go, I'm due at a meeting now. ( I start walking along the corridor and she follows suit. )
MOAM: do you know Chioma*? she also went to FGGC Owerri, she lives in Finchley.

I stopped. I do know a girl by that name, who lives in Finchley ,who also went to that school. Enquiring some more it turns out that her daughter is very good friend's with Chioma's sister. Ok, I calm down a bit, but not completely as she then proceeds to ask for my telephone number and address. I'm thinking ,'lady I've already let on too much information about myself ; just bcos your daughter happens to know my friend, it doesnt change the fact that I still dont know you from Adam.' Trying not to appear rude, I politely declined,so she gave me her telephone number and her daughter' s number and address instead!!
AH! See my trouble oh! This woman just does not give up! I decided to do some investigating of my own later; I was going to get to the bottom of this. The result of the said investigation will be reported in my next post.
To be continued......

*The names mentioned in this post have been changed to protect the identities of the parties involved.

JUST FOR THE RECORD

2006-09-30T00:59:00.000+01:00

See me see trouble! I was speaking to a friend on the phone and she asked me if I really was being serious when I made the comment at the end of my previous post about wanting to get married asap so that I would no longer be a part of the singletons. Incidentally this thought was also shared by a few other people.
Apparently just because I didnt put 'lol' at the end of that sentence I was in danger of coming across as desperate!! Just for the record, desperate I aint; it was all meant to be tongue in cheek, i.e. me laughing at myself. So for y'all who might think that I was being serious, I WAS JOKING, OH!! LOL, LOL, LOL, LOL........

WEDDING PARADE

2006-09-25T09:41:00.000+01:00

I attended a wedding this weekend. It was interesting, to say the least, apart from the fact that the reception venue was at least an hour's journey from the church. Anyway, the usual events got underway; according to the programme the 11th item on the agenda was the throwing of the bouquet , in which all the 'single' ladies were required to remain on the dance floor. Now I dont know about you guys but I find this particular ritual quite ludicrous and laughable. Ludicrous because we all know that just because you happen to catch the said bouquet it doesnt mean you are definitely next in line to tie the knot, and laughable because we still do it for the fun of it anyway.
I dont mean to attach too much importance to this, but I cant help but think that guys have too much of an advantage when it comes to such things, especially when it comes to Naija weddings. Its always the 'single' women who get singled out (excuse the pun) at these events and the men get to savour the goods on offer! Back to the wedding reception in question; so the time came for the throwing of the bouquet and all the singletons were being rounded up like lambs to the slaughter. I was trying to be smart and make my escape, but unfortunately was not quick enough and got cornered by my friend's boyfriend who literally dragged us both onto the dancefloor. So I thought, "ok, this might not be so bad. I'll just stand right at the back where no one will see me and watch the rest of them as they all jostle to catch it." But I wasnt getting off that easily! The bride proceeded to announce that we all had to dance around in a circle before she would throw the bouquet; talk about singing for one's supper!!! As the music started and we all started dancing round, I looked around the circle and thought ," Chei, see my life!" there we were parading around like peacocks with brightly coloured feathers displayed for all to see, as if to say "look at me, pick me, pick me!!"
And the men? What do you think they did? You guessed right; they all shamelessly crowded the dance floor, desperate to get a look in , almost rubbing their hands with glee! some even had the nerve to take pictures!! (ok, they probably were taking pics like all the other guests, but I just need a reason to feel indignated). we might as well have had numbers hung around our necks and been individually auctioned off to the highest bidders!
After our ordeal my friend proclaimed that her wedding will be the total opposite; all the single men will be called out and made to vie for our attention whilst the girls get to do all the scoping instead. And I wholeheartedly agree with that! Let them strut their stuff about whilst we survey , nod and shake our heads, possibly award each one marks out of 10. The more I think of this the more I relish the idea. Anyway, sha, by the grace of God, this will not carry on for much longer; before too long you can count me out of the group of singletons who will have to endure this yeye nonsense....in JESUS NAME! AMEN!

RE-CULTURE SHOCK

2006-09-20T00:55:00.000+01:00

I was speaking to a friend on the phone this evening; she is in the process of moving back to Naija and as the days draw nearer she is starting to get nervous about the prospect of leaving the somewhat organised life she has lived in the UK for the past 2 years for all the hustle and bustle of naija. As expected she has a lot to sort out in terms of property, documents, etc and this is only from the 2 years she has been here. This got me wondering if I was in the same position, it wouldnt be just 11years worth of stuff I would be having to contend with!
Dont get me wrong ; I love my country, I really do, but every time I pay a visit it's more obvious to me that that country is so far from the state in which I left it. There have been some positive changes, i must say but it also appears to me that the pace of life is becoming more and more frantic, the sense of desperation more heightened, even the weather seems to be more unbearable!
I went back for christmas holidays a few years ago and had to catch a local flight from Lagos to PH after we arrived. We purchased our tickets in plenty of time and then proceeded to board the flight; the problem was so did about 200 other passengers! That's right; the flight had been overbooked. As I raced across the tarmac to the plane under the hot sun, I thought to myself, 'is this for real? Even when we got to the plane I was still doing my polite 'excuse me please' and 'sorry' as I jostled with everyone else trying desperately to get on that plane. I then heard my aunt shouting to me, 'what are you doing down there?! Come up quickly or else you are not going to get a seat, oh!' Panicking at the fact that I might be left behind all sense of curtesy left me.I started elbowing anyone that got in my way; old, young, madam, oga, I didnt care! I was going to get on that plane if it killed me!! My poor cousin (who had never been to Naija before) ended up struggling with a much older woman for the last seat on the plane and won in the end, much to woman's annoyance. But somehow she still managed to 'share' a seat with some guy at the back of the plane (dont ask me how). I just thank God we got home in one peice.
The other issue I find myself contending with is the weather. Looking back at the outfits I used to wear back then I think to myself, 'how on earth could I have worn that and not been stifled to death?!' From the long-sleeved fitted body-hugging suits (BLACK), even turtle-neck sweaters and sweatshirts - all in the name of fashion! I would still choose the sun and the heat any day, anytime to the miserable british weather but now when I go back home I can just about wear t-shirts with sleeves, let alone long-sleeves.
It also seems, even my digestive system has to re-adjust to some of the local delicacies. I used to be able to eat anything back then with no problems whatsoever; isi-ewu, suya, etc. But the last time I had some bole (roast plantain) back home it gave me such an upset stomach it wasnt even funny. Now I've had bole here in London, but y'all know its not just the same, but for some reason the same thing that makes it taste so good back then seems to be the same thing that turned my insides. And as for the isi-ewu incident, I'm not even going to go into that.
Basically my point is even though I'm still naija to the core , there are certain things I will have to re-adjust my body and mind to when I decide to brave it back there for good (God knows when that will be!) At the end of the day, there's still no place like home.

WE ALL KNOW ONE (PART II)

2006-09-11T09:24:00.000+01:00

Below is an extract from a fellow bloggers's comment page. The topic that sparked off this discussion was to do with an article from the Guardian's "agony aunt" section. It concerns a 24yr old single girl, who being a christian, is torn about not having sex until marriage, an issue compounded by the fact that only non-christian guys ask her out.
Now there were a few varied replies to this post, but one in particular struck a chord with me which is why I replied to it, and the following (should I say dialogue) ensued:

SOUL: Too much bollocks going on here.i've already said, some people dost protest too loudly, they've replaced Sex with God and boy is it messing with their mental.Gosh, is sex really that dirty?, that bad... or is it really that dirty and that bad in the mind of some 'christians'.God shouldn't be the reason you don't want to have sex, it should be because you think you are not ready to have it. Irrespective of age. Or becuase you just don't want to.No wonder she's conflicted, as are a gazillion other Naija women out there, who use the bible as their personal chastity belt.I wonder how people develop healthy relationships with God when God has become the excuse?.
08 September, 2006 19:10

ME TO SOUL: " God shouldn't be the reason you don't want to have sex, it should be because you think you are not ready to have it. Irrespective of age. Or becuase you just don't want to." So then, could the same way of thinking apply to many other dilemmas in life? e.g. given the choice to cheat or steal should one refrain from doing so purely because they dont want to or bcos they know it would offend God? As human beings we all have a conscience and have an inherent knowledge of what's right and wrong, but most times this doesnt prevent us from following the wrong paths or making the wrong choices. Having God's commandments as our guide can only be a good thing bcos it convicts us in making the right judgements.
10 September, 2006 10:43

SOUL TO ME: One should refrain from cheating or stealing because it is the wrong thing to do.If you need the bible to tell you that, then I'm afraid we see things in extremely different ways.Having God's commandments should be a good thing, but God also gives all of us common sense and free will and choice.I can quote the number of times God's commandments have been used for evil and are at present being used for evil, I'm sure even you know this.My point which in no way denies the power or the usefulness of 'God's commandments' actually lays emphasis on human beings..i.e. Many people use 'the word of God as a crutch, and at that point common sense tends to flee them.From girls who will willingly lay down and commit adultery with 'their pastors' because they don't want to disobey a 'man of God', to those who can read the bible and decide that God doesn't want us to dance.There are many alleged people who are claiming to be christians and who exalt the holier than thou attitude not becuase they truly believe but because they are too scared not to be a part of the group think. ANd this is extremely endemic in the Naija chritian community.You say God's commandments convicts us in making the right judgements... really?Then how come soo many times we get it wrong where it matters.AIDS and HIV is decimating the population of Africa but the pope (I was born Roman Catholic by the way) insists that God's conviction is leading him to make a 'right judgement' to say that using a condom is wrong?. And that mofo is still spreading that verbal diarrhea out of the mouth.Is it God's conviction which is driving most christian churches to make a judgement to denounce
maasturbation? one of the most natural reactions to our own bodies.Is it Gods conviction which drove the West to make the decision to rape, torture and enslave many Africans, or let's bring it a little forward...Is it God's conviction which is causing many pastors to preach intolerance and in many cases the murder of homosexuals?Was it God's conviction which drove George Bush (who apparently talks to God personally) to make the decision to shock and awe Iraq?.
10 September, 2006 19:20

Interesting. The reason why I have posted these comments on my blog is because I wanted to reply to the above but I didnt want to use someone else's blog as a forum for (what could possibly turn out to be a heated) debate. In reply to the last comment made by SOUL,granted there were strong points which unfortunately do ring true but I wish to point out a few things: a lot of atrocities have been committed all in the name of religion, including christianity, Islam, Judaism, etc. The people committing these crimes may claim to be doing so due to their 'convictions' but if we truly know what each of our faith preaches, then we know that this is so not the case. So in answer to all of the above , my answer would be no, these acts have not been committed as a result of right judgements spurred on by true convictions, but due to people's misguided views/ideas , warped as they might seem. It is just so sad that this taints those who try to act out their genuine convictions. At the end of the day I dont believe this should be a reason to cast aside the commandments which were set for a good purpose.
SOUL also mentioned the fact that HIV and AIDS is killing off the population of Africa (I'm not going to comment on the catholic church's view on contraception; that is another subject altogether). If we ask ourselves the reason why HIV is so pandemic in the world today, I think you will agree that widespread sexual promiscuity has a big part to play in this . As it does with regards to unwanted pregnancies, abortions, STD's, not to mention the emotional and pyschological trauma that goes with all of these .
Which brings me back to the original topic of this debate: If we as believers do not convict ourselves by God's commandments against sexual immorality (and this includes pre-marital sex), even though the rest of the world see it as a load of b******t, it would be so easy to become complacent, because we all have natural, human desires and the easy thing to do would be to give in to them at whim. And that is not to say that sex is a 'dirty' or 'bad' thing; on the contrary it is a beautiful thing, even moreso if it is practiced as the pure and wonderful act it was created to be.

THIS CAN'T BE HEALTHY, CAN IT?

2006-09-09T04:36:00.000+01:00

Ok, its 4.30 a.m and I find my self still perusing the various blogs that have caught my interest lately. Who knew that the blog world could be so addictive? When my friend first introduced me to it, I scoffed at the idea that anyone would want to waste their time penning (or should I say typing) their random thoughts, etc down for other people to read.
But I take it all back now; so far I've found myself being amazed,amused, fascinated, entertained, enlightened and (sometimes) shocked by the various tit-bits I have been privy to in this my new-found hobby.
Anyways I'm off to bed now; my eyeballs are literally bulging out of their sockets! Thank God its Friday, the weekend's here at last!

SPARE THE ROD.....

2006-09-06T09:47:00.000+01:00

I was watching "Supernanny" on TV last night and as usual I found my temper rising to boiling point. I ask myself, "What kind of society do we live in that a 4 year old can get away with swearing like a trooper, saying things like I hate you mum, f**k off mum, f***ing w******s, you b*****d, etc, hitting and biting his mother and getting away with it all?!!" The only thing he got that was close to a reprimand was stop it! Dont yell at me! stay in your room! I tell you, my hands were itching to give one of them a good slap around the head, and it wasnt the little kid!
Whenever I see or hear things like this I entirely blame the parent(s) who, it seems, cannot discipline their child , either because they cannot be bothered or are unwilling/scared to do so because of "unspoken laws" about any kind of physical forms of disciplining children in this country. Most seem to forget that children follow by their example so its hardly surprising when kids pick up foul language when their parents are f***ing and blinding all over the place! I do not agree with the idea that physical punishment is 'harsh' and 'humiliating' for a child ; sure positive discipline is good but chlidren also need to be set boundaries and if a smack is called for, then so be it.
I applaud Supernanny's technique of coming down to the child's level, making eye contact and speaking in a low, firm voice and if he/she continues to misbehave to send them off to the naughty step/corner where they can reflect on their bad behaviour. My own experience growing up back home was that look from my mum or dad and that would be enough to make me behave. Failing that it was the 'koboko' or belt or slipper or whatever was within easy reach. ( by the way we only got smacked if we told lies repeatedly- one thing my parents instilled in us was telling the truth no matter what)
At the end of the day I dont believe smacking is wrong but obviously there is a thin line between discipline and abuse and care should be taken that it is not crossed. (Having attended primary and secondary school in Nigeria I look back now and think not all those punishments we received were in the name of discipline; some teachers were just plain spiteful! ) It is easier to instill values into a child when he is young than when he is older and set in his ways, as the good book says, "train up a child in the way he should go and when he is older he will not depart from it."

NO, NO, NO!!!!!!

2006-09-04T01:12:00.000+01:00

Yikes!!!! I just watched Kevin Federline performing his new single at the teen choice awards on www.youtube.com.
All I have to say is " it is not for everybody!!"
Kevin luv.... Eminem you aint and never will be!!

OH THE JOYS OF FIRST DATES!

2006-09-04T01:06:00.000+01:00

So I went out on a "date" the other night with some guy, after I'd finally run out of excuses for not being able to meet up. Now I think he's a nice guy, dont get me wrong, even though he's so not my type, we get on on ok and he makes me laugh (yeah, yeah I know I laugh at anything, but he actually is a funny person). My main problem with him is that for someone that isn't that close to me he was a bit too open for my liking.
Example: on the night we went out we were having a conversation in the taxi and I mentioned the fact that I was in agony the previous night due to a really bad tootache and had to see my dentsist as an emergency the next day. This led to us swapping different toothy horror stories and then he said ," Once I had this really excrutiating tootache and had to have the tooth opened up and they found out that the filling inside was rotting and infected, so it was extracted. And I tell you the smell that emanated was so horrible that I myself almost gagged from it!!!"
EEEEWWWWW!!!! You do not have that kind of conversation with a girl you hardly know whom you are taking out on a date for the first time and are trying to impress!! (Bearing in mind that we were on our way to dinner as well). Needless to say when he saw the expression on my face - I probably looked like i'd just been forced to swallow a whole bottle of cod-liver oil- he wisely decided to change the topic. Oh well,I guess I should be thankful that he didnt start regaling me with stories about his bowel habits!!!!
Anyway I came out relatively unscathed at the end of the night; I've heard worse stories of first dates from a few of my girlfriends and this was nothing compared to theirs.....Except this one time I went on a blind date on valentines day and the dude turned out to be my friend's younger brother who came unprepared for some reason; he didnt have any cash on him and so I ended up paying for the cab to and from the movie which we didnt get to see bcos he didnt have any money to pay for it!

WHAT'S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT?

2006-08-30T14:42:00.000+01:00

Now I dont mean to come across as someone who doesnt beleive in love; on the contary I do but as I said in my profile I tend to have cynical views usually when it involves this topic. It might be something to do with the fact that this word/emotion has been trivialised so much in recent times, especially by the media and in the fickle world of celebrity.
Granted everyone has a different view/definition on what love really means, from that "butterflies in my stomach feeling" to " I cant live without him/her" to the biblical definition as given in the book of Corinthians. But the bottom line is ... how do you know if you are truly in love with someone and can your feelings really be genuine even if you've only known them for a short period of time?
I'll give an example; I was watching one of these reality TV shows last week ( out of pure boredom, I might add) about old high school friends who were re-united years after graduating. One of the girls used to date one of the guys back in high school, but they hadnt seen each other since then and she was currently in another relationship. But upon meeting each other again after all these years and only spending a couple of weeks together, she realised that she might be in "love" with him and broke up with her fiance. One of the other guys also got together with one of the girls on the show and after the show ended, they moved in together and in no time, he had proposed to her. The whole time I was watching this I was screaming at my t.v. "BUT YOU HARDLY KNOW THIS WOMAN/GUY! " The fact that they went to school together or knew each other from way back does not necessarily count. What I'm trying to say is I dont beleive you can really love someone (in the true sense of the word) that you dont know. I dont beleive there is such a thing as "love at first sight" ; one can fall in lust/attraction at first sight and easily mistake that for love (been there, done that).
And another thing that irks me is when people use the "l" word so freely, especially so early on in a relationship. I'm the sort of person who beleives that actions speak louder than words and if I truly cared about someone, would make my feelings known by the things I do for them as opposed to blurting them out. But then again, everyone is different and some people are more emotionally vocal than others so I'm not saying everyone should be like me. I guess what I'm trying to say after rambling on is ...be sure about your true feelings before making them known lest you end up making a fool of yourself. (and no, I'm not speaking from personal experience here before you all start to wonder).
That said, what do you think? Do you beleive in love at first sight?