Thursday, November 09, 2006

NA WA FOR NOLLYWOOD!

A friend of mine sent me this email today and I couldn't help laughing! Because its all so true; I particularly agree with numbers 10, 14 and especially number 20. How many times have you watched a Naija movie where someone has been hit by a car or shot in the leg and next thing you see them in hospital with their head bandaged like a mummy! THE HILARITY OF IT ALL!! lol.


Things we have learnt from Nollywood
  1. Every problem you have is spiritual.
  2. In every romance movie, someone must die.
  3. It is possible to hit a person without actually touching them!
  4. Anyone who gets hit by a car dies immediately.
  5. Poisoned food tastes better...
  6. The best way to make money is by visiting a 'Babalawo'.
  7. At least one of a pair of twins (identical or not) is born evil.
  8. There is never an end to your suffering, except death!
  9. With a pastor... all things are possible
  10. A movie can be titled anything... such as - the boy is mine, Two rats, Spanner, Calculator.
  11. A movie has not been made if at least one actor/actress has not- 'shelled', twisted his/her lips to speak wrong phonetics'.
  12. You are in love... you want to take your girl out, the best place you take her to is... Mr. Biggs, Tantalizers, the beach or the best- take her to buy some new ugly clothes.
  13. An Igbo movie has been made if...
    * You visit a 'Babalawo'
    * A fleet of cars is shown off
    * Kanayo 'O' Kanayo is in the movie, Pete Edochie is also there too!
    * To get rich it is mandatory you join a cult
  14. Gun shots and Knock-out sound the same!
  15. Most times the title has absolutely nothing to do with the movie.
  16. A love story has not been produced if it does not have one or two of the following cast actresses;
    * Stella Damascus
    * Stephanie Okereke
    * Genevieve Nnaji
    * Omotola Jalade
    * Rita Dominic
  17. The police are extremely 'efficient' unlike their counterparts in real life...
  18. An actress can wear the same hairdo for more than a year...
  19. It is permissible to wear very dark shades at night!
  20. When you are shot in the chest, it really doesn't matter; your head will be bandaged! Same for your legs!
  21. When advertising a movie, you really should shout because... people are deaf?
  22. When you are extremely poor, you will still be able to afford- very good furniture, T.V., but you won't be able to send your kids to school.
  23. All past scenes are in black and white
  24. Future scenes are always ten or twenty years later
  25. Everyone uses their party dresses and make up even when cooking in the kitchen or sleeping

15 Comments:

At 6:09 PM, Blogger Miguel said...

They never age..especially the ladies....lol...funny post!

 
At 9:42 PM, Blogger Dilch said...

that was funny

 
At 10:03 PM, Blogger NaijaBloke said...

OMG!!! i was actually reading the list and I practically agree with all of them o...

Nice one

 
At 10:38 PM, Blogger ABBEY said...

lol...Kanayo O Kanayo! always there with the guy in the deep voice saying his name during the preview, just before you hear the banger/gunshot in the background!

 
At 3:02 PM, Blogger Aba Boy said...

Lol…quite a funny list. I sit on the fence with Nollywood. I have family members that are part of the industry, but if I am really honest with myself - Nollywood is second-rate but entertaining. Fairly good story lines delivered to the screen by amateurish artistes. I must add there are exceptions, but not a lot!

 
At 7:49 PM, Blogger Eagle's Nest!!! said...

Food for thought! Nollywood is stale.

 
At 12:01 AM, Blogger RJ said...

LOL! Every single thiing on that list is true...sadly

 
At 2:48 PM, Blogger Calabar Gal said...

ha ha ha!!! ridiculous but true. Nigerian movies are unique in this respect. LOL

 
At 11:01 AM, Blogger TaureanMinx said...

Lol! So true.

 
At 6:00 PM, Blogger Vera Ezimora said...

Oh yeah, I read this too. Someone sent it to me in my inbox. I just knew someone would blog about it, LOL

Indeed sha, there are so many problems. And I don't understand why a vehicular accident always leads to either death or some kinda irreversible condition - like permanent paralysis.

And that hair style thing too? Girl, don't even get me started.

 
At 8:41 PM, Blogger Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

When you are extremely poor, you will still be able to afford- very good furniture, T.V., but you won't be able to send your kids to school....lmao... this is sooo true.. actually all of em were pretty true... too too funny!!!

 
At 8:42 PM, Blogger Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

long live nollywood!!!

 
At 11:48 AM, Blogger TP said...

Very funny! And most of them are true. Nollywood movies are now stepping up, but we still have a long way to go.

 
At 11:47 PM, Blogger DiAmOnD hawk said...

girl you had me laughing...great list...great list...i think i'll share it...

 
At 9:02 PM, Blogger African Woman said...

Thanks alot for the great post
Lurrenzinc is the fastest growing African social network to find news about Nollywood

 

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