Monday, November 13, 2006


Last weekend saw yet another attempt (by my somewhat crazy friend) at hooking me up. The babe called me on Thursday evening to say that she was dragging me along to some guy's birthday dinner party on saturday. Our conversation went something like this:

me: so who is this guy then? (thinking maybe it was someone from her church I didnt know)

her: Oh, he's a friend of xxx's. I dont know him personally.

me: So why are you so keen to go to his birthday then? Are you that jobless/ bored? (by the way my somewhat crazy friend is in a happy relationship herself, so no ulterior motives there, or so I thought...)

her: I just thought it would be fun...

me: (still not getting it) fun in what way?

her: stop asking questions, jare! Its just some guy who's a friend of a friend and he is turning 30 and besides he is Igbo.
Aha! The penny finally dropped and I didnt know whether to laugh or hiss very loudly. ( I think I managed to do both simultaenously).

me: oh, so what makes you think I would be interested in attending some random guy's 30th, just because he is Igbo?

her: you never know. xxxx says he is also good-looking and her taste is similar to your's. for her to say that someone is fine, he must be really fine!!

My people , make una see me see trouble oh! This babe and I have been friends for about 7 years; you would think she gets me by now. According to her my only criteria for dating a guy (or even giving him the time of day ) is if he was 1. Igbo and 2. Good -looking and not necessarily in that order. I wont lie and say that I wouldnt rather date a guy who was from my tribe, but if he happens to be non-igbo and I click with him, then I'm open to it as well. And as for the 'looks' thingy , which person (male or female) can say in all honesty that they are not initially attracted to someone based on their appearance? Well, if anyone denies this, then I'm afraid I would beg to differ; I think its very rare that this is the case. But at the end of the day, what one person may find attractive, another may not; its all purely subjective. This is the one thing I can never seem to make her understand - even she has experienced what I'm talking about in the past. Anyways, back to our conversation. I finally agreed (grudgingly) to accompany her to this dinner. So on Friday she rings me at work:

her: So what are you going to wear to the dinner?

me: What do you think? jeans of course!

her: why? you need to make an effort, you know.

me: why should I?

her: (sighing melodramatically) you are so pessimistic. Why dont you ever have any hope that you will hit it off with any one/have fun? The bible says that the expectations of the righteous will not be cut short and if your expectations are that you are not going to enjoy yourself, they will certainly not be cut short!

me: I dont need to have any hope, cos it seems like you have enough for the both of us and you aint even looking!

Long story short, we ended up not going to the dinner because xxxx couldn't make it herself, and I certainly wasn't going to be gate-crashing some random guy's birthday all in the name of getting my groove on! (Even though somewhat crazy friend tried to convince me otherwise. I'm still not sure if she was being serious or not).

Food for thought :This got me wondering; maybe I'm getting cynical in my old age. (not that I'm that old, o!) But if , like me, you've been in countless situations where someone has tried to play cupid, and 9 times out of 10 its ended ...not so well, then surely you should be forgiven for having such a nonchalant attitude towards the whole dating scene. Dont get me wrong, I'm no destiny's child (Independent woman) or pussy cat dolls ('I dont need a man') - those aint my regular anthems, of course I would eventually love to settle down with my 'Mr Right' but do I have to beat myself up in the quest to find him? I've heard from so many of my friends ( who are now or were in relationships) whose experience was that sometimes 'love' came knocking when they least expected or weren't searching for it. So I figured , why dont I take the same approach - sit back, relax, and kick up my feet and let whatever will be, be?

ps: The last statement is, by no means, a declaration that I intend to take a completely passive stance on the whole dating matter, rather I am determined not to stress myself out over it.
pps: To my somewhat crazy friend - you know I still luuuurve ya, right?

Thursday, November 09, 2006


A friend of mine sent me this email today and I couldn't help laughing! Because its all so true; I particularly agree with numbers 10, 14 and especially number 20. How many times have you watched a Naija movie where someone has been hit by a car or shot in the leg and next thing you see them in hospital with their head bandaged like a mummy! THE HILARITY OF IT ALL!! lol.

Things we have learnt from Nollywood
  1. Every problem you have is spiritual.
  2. In every romance movie, someone must die.
  3. It is possible to hit a person without actually touching them!
  4. Anyone who gets hit by a car dies immediately.
  5. Poisoned food tastes better...
  6. The best way to make money is by visiting a 'Babalawo'.
  7. At least one of a pair of twins (identical or not) is born evil.
  8. There is never an end to your suffering, except death!
  9. With a pastor... all things are possible
  10. A movie can be titled anything... such as - the boy is mine, Two rats, Spanner, Calculator.
  11. A movie has not been made if at least one actor/actress has not- 'shelled', twisted his/her lips to speak wrong phonetics'.
  12. You are in love... you want to take your girl out, the best place you take her to is... Mr. Biggs, Tantalizers, the beach or the best- take her to buy some new ugly clothes.
  13. An Igbo movie has been made if...
    * You visit a 'Babalawo'
    * A fleet of cars is shown off
    * Kanayo 'O' Kanayo is in the movie, Pete Edochie is also there too!
    * To get rich it is mandatory you join a cult
  14. Gun shots and Knock-out sound the same!
  15. Most times the title has absolutely nothing to do with the movie.
  16. A love story has not been produced if it does not have one or two of the following cast actresses;
    * Stella Damascus
    * Stephanie Okereke
    * Genevieve Nnaji
    * Omotola Jalade
    * Rita Dominic
  17. The police are extremely 'efficient' unlike their counterparts in real life...
  18. An actress can wear the same hairdo for more than a year...
  19. It is permissible to wear very dark shades at night!
  20. When you are shot in the chest, it really doesn't matter; your head will be bandaged! Same for your legs!
  21. When advertising a movie, you really should shout because... people are deaf?
  22. When you are extremely poor, you will still be able to afford- very good furniture, T.V., but you won't be able to send your kids to school.
  23. All past scenes are in black and white
  24. Future scenes are always ten or twenty years later
  25. Everyone uses their party dresses and make up even when cooking in the kitchen or sleeping