JUST FOR THE RECORD
See me see trouble! I was speaking to a friend on the phone and she asked me if I really was being serious when I made the comment at the end of my previous post about wanting to get married asap so that I would no longer be a part of the singletons. Incidentally this thought was also shared by a few other people.
Apparently just because I didnt put 'lol' at the end of that sentence I was in danger of coming across as desperate!! Just for the record, desperate I aint; it was all meant to be tongue in cheek, i.e. me laughing at myself. So for y'all who might think that I was being serious, I WAS JOKING, OH!! LOL, LOL, LOL, LOL........
WEDDING PARADE
I attended a wedding this weekend. It was interesting, to say the least, apart from the fact that the reception venue was at least an hour's journey from the church. Anyway, the usual events got underway; according to the programme the 11th item on the agenda was the throwing of the bouquet , in which all the 'single' ladies were required to remain on the dance floor. Now I dont know about you guys but I find this particular ritual quite ludicrous and laughable. Ludicrous because we all know that just because you happen to catch the said bouquet it doesnt mean you are definitely next in line to tie the knot, and laughable because we still do it for the fun of it anyway.
I dont mean to attach too much importance to this, but I cant help but think that guys have too much of an advantage when it comes to such things, especially when it comes to Naija weddings. Its always the 'single' women who get singled out (excuse the pun) at these events and the men get to savour the goods on offer! Back to the wedding reception in question; so the time came for the throwing of the bouquet and all the singletons were being rounded up like lambs to the slaughter. I was trying to be smart and make my escape, but unfortunately was not quick enough and got cornered by my friend's boyfriend who literally dragged us both onto the dancefloor. So I thought, "ok, this might not be so bad. I'll just stand right at the back where no one will see me and watch the rest of them as they all jostle to catch it." But I wasnt getting off that easily! The bride proceeded to announce that we all had to dance around in a circle before she would throw the bouquet; talk about singing for one's supper!!! As the music started and we all started dancing round, I looked around the circle and thought ," Chei, see my life!" there we were parading around like peacocks with brightly coloured feathers displayed for all to see, as if to say
"look at me, pick me, pick me!!" And the men? What do you think they did? You guessed right; they all shamelessly crowded the dance floor, desperate to get a look in , almost rubbing their hands with glee! some even had the nerve to take pictures!! (ok, they probably were taking pics like all the other guests, but I just need a reason to feel indignated). we might as well have had numbers hung around our necks and been individually auctioned off to the highest bidders!
After our ordeal my friend proclaimed that her wedding will be the total opposite; all the single men will be called out and made to vie for our attention whilst the girls get to do all the scoping instead. And I wholeheartedly agree with that! Let them strut their stuff about whilst we survey , nod and shake our heads, possibly award each one marks out of 10. The more I think of this the more I relish the idea. Anyway, sha, by the grace of God, this will not carry on for much longer; before too long you can count me out of the group of singletons who will have to endure this yeye nonsense....in JESUS NAME! AMEN!
RE-CULTURE SHOCK
I was speaking to a friend on the phone this evening; she is in the process of moving back to Naija and as the days draw nearer she is starting to get nervous about the prospect of leaving the somewhat organised life she has lived in the UK for the past 2 years for all the hustle and bustle of naija. As expected she has a lot to sort out in terms of property, documents, etc and this is only from the 2 years she has been here. This got me wondering if I was in the same position, it wouldnt be just 11years worth of stuff I would be having to contend with!
Dont get me wrong ; I love my country, I really do, but every time I pay a visit it's more obvious to me that that country is so far from the state in which I left it. There have been some positive changes, i must say but it also appears to me that the pace of life is becoming more and more frantic, the sense of desperation more heightened, even the weather seems to be more unbearable!
I went back for christmas holidays a few years ago and had to catch a local flight from Lagos to PH after we arrived. We purchased our tickets in plenty of time and then proceeded to board the flight; the problem was so did about 200 other passengers! That's right; the flight had been overbooked. As I raced across the tarmac to the plane under the hot sun, I thought to myself, 'is this for real? Even when we got to the plane I was still doing my polite 'excuse me please' and 'sorry' as I jostled with everyone else trying desperately to get on that plane. I then heard my aunt shouting to me, 'what are you doing down there?! Come up quickly or else you are not going to get a seat, oh!' Panicking at the fact that I might be left behind all sense of curtesy left me.I started elbowing anyone that got in my way; old, young, madam, oga, I didnt care! I was going to get on that plane if it killed me!! My poor cousin (who had never been to Naija before) ended up struggling with a much older woman for the last seat on the plane and won in the end, much to woman's annoyance. But somehow she still managed to 'share' a seat with some guy at the back of the plane (dont ask me how). I just thank God we got home in one peice.
The other issue I find myself contending with is the weather. Looking back at the outfits I used to wear back then I think to myself, 'how on earth could I have worn that and not been stifled to death?!' From the long-sleeved fitted body-hugging suits (BLACK), even turtle-neck sweaters and sweatshirts - all in the name of fashion! I would still choose the sun and the heat any day, anytime to the miserable british weather but now when I go back home I can just about wear t-shirts with sleeves, let alone long-sleeves.
It also seems, even my digestive system has to re-adjust to some of the local delicacies. I used to be able to eat anything back then with no problems whatsoever;
isi-ewu, suya, etc. But the last time I had some bole (roast plantain) back home it gave me such an upset stomach it wasnt even funny. Now I've had bole here in London, but y'all know its not just the same, but for some reason the same thing that makes it taste so good back then seems to be the same thing that turned my insides. And as for the
isi-ewu incident, I'm not even going to go into that.
Basically my point is even though I'm still naija to the core , there are certain things I will have to re-adjust my body and mind to when I decide to brave it back there for good (God knows when that will be!) At the end of the day, there's still no place like home.
WE ALL KNOW ONE (PART II)
Below is an extract from a fellow bloggers's comment page. The topic that sparked off this discussion was to do with an article from the Guardian's "agony aunt" section. It concerns a 24yr old single girl, who being a christian, is torn about not having sex until marriage, an issue compounded by the fact that only non-christian guys ask her out.
Now there were a few varied replies to this post, but one in particular struck a chord with me which is why I replied to it, and the following (should I say dialogue) ensued:
SOUL: Too much bollocks going on here.i've already said, some people dost protest too loudly, they've replaced Sex with God and boy is it messing with their mental.Gosh, is sex really that dirty?, that bad... or is it really that dirty and that bad in the mind of some 'christians'.God shouldn't be the reason you don't want to have sex, it should be because you think you are not ready to have it. Irrespective of age. Or becuase you just don't want to.No wonder she's conflicted, as are a gazillion other Naija women out there, who use the bible as their personal chastity belt.I wonder how people develop healthy relationships with God when God has become the excuse?.
08 September, 2006 19:10
ME TO SOUL: " God shouldn't be the reason you don't want to have sex, it should be because you think you are not ready to have it. Irrespective of age. Or becuase you just don't want to." So then, could the same way of thinking apply to many other dilemmas in life? e.g. given the choice to cheat or steal should one refrain from doing so purely because they dont want to or bcos they know it would offend God? As human beings we all have a conscience and have an inherent knowledge of what's right and wrong, but most times this doesnt prevent us from following the wrong paths or making the wrong choices. Having God's commandments as our guide can only be a good thing bcos it convicts us in making the right judgements.
10 September, 2006 10:43
SOUL TO ME: One should refrain from cheating or stealing because it is the wrong thing to do.If you need the bible to tell you that, then I'm afraid we see things in extremely different ways.Having God's commandments should be a good thing, but God also gives all of us common sense and free will and choice.I can quote the number of times God's commandments have been used for evil and are at present being used for evil, I'm sure even you know this.My point which in no way denies the power or the usefulness of 'God's commandments' actually lays emphasis on human beings..i.e. Many people use 'the word of God as a crutch, and at that point common sense tends to flee them.From girls who will willingly lay down and commit adultery with 'their pastors' because they don't want to disobey a 'man of God', to those who can read the bible and decide that God doesn't want us to dance.There are many alleged people who are claiming to be christians and who exalt the holier than thou attitude not becuase they truly believe but because they are too scared not to be a part of the group think. ANd this is extremely endemic in the Naija chritian community.You say God's commandments convicts us in making the right judgements... really?Then how come soo many times we get it wrong where it matters.AIDS and HIV is decimating the population of Africa but the pope (I was born Roman Catholic by the way) insists that God's conviction is leading him to make a 'right judgement' to say that using a condom is wrong?. And that mofo is still spreading that verbal diarrhea out of the mouth.Is it God's conviction which is driving most christian churches to make a judgement to denounce
maasturbation? one of the most natural reactions to our own bodies.Is it Gods conviction which drove the West to make the decision to rape, torture and enslave many Africans, or let's bring it a little forward...Is it God's conviction which is causing many pastors to preach intolerance and in many cases the murder of homosexuals?Was it God's conviction which drove George Bush (who apparently talks to God personally) to make the decision to shock and awe Iraq?.
10 September, 2006 19:20
Interesting. The reason why I have posted these comments on my blog is because I wanted to reply to the above but I didnt want to use someone else's blog as a forum for (what could possibly turn out to be a heated) debate. In reply to the last comment made by
SOUL,granted there were strong points which unfortunately do ring true but I wish to point out a few things: a lot of atrocities have been committed all in the name of religion, including christianity, Islam, Judaism, etc. The people committing these crimes may claim to be doing so due to their 'convictions' but if we truly know what each of our faith preaches, then we know that this is so not the case. So in answer to all of the above , my answer would be no, these acts have not been committed as a result of right judgements spurred on by true convictions, but due to people's misguided views/ideas , warped as they might seem. It is just so sad that this taints those who try to act out their genuine convictions. At the end of the day I dont believe this should be a reason to cast aside the commandments which were set for a good purpose.
SOUL also mentioned the fact that HIV and AIDS is killing off the population of Africa (I'm not going to comment on the catholic church's view on contraception; that is another subject altogether). If we ask ourselves the reason why HIV is so pandemic in the world today, I think you will agree that widespread sexual promiscuity has a big part to play in this . As it does with regards to unwanted pregnancies, abortions, STD's, not to mention the emotional and pyschological trauma that goes with all of these .
Which brings me back to the original topic of this debate: If we as believers do not convict ourselves by God's commandments against sexual immorality (and this includes pre-marital sex), even though the rest of the world see it as a load of b******t, it would be so easy to become complacent, because we all have natural, human desires and the easy thing to do would be to give in to them at whim. And that is not to say that sex is a 'dirty' or 'bad' thing; on the contrary it is a beautiful thing, even moreso if it is practiced as the pure and wonderful act it was created to be.
THIS CAN'T BE HEALTHY, CAN IT?
Ok, its 4.30 a.m and I find my self still perusing the various blogs that have caught my interest lately. Who knew that the blog world could be so addictive? When my friend first introduced me to it, I scoffed at the idea that anyone would want to waste their time penning (or should I say typing) their random thoughts, etc down for other people to read.
But I take it all back now; so far I've found myself being amazed,amused, fascinated, entertained, enlightened and (sometimes) shocked by the various tit-bits I have been privy to in this my new-found hobby.
Anyways I'm off to bed now; my eyeballs are literally bulging out of their sockets! Thank God its Friday, the weekend's here at last!
SPARE THE ROD.....
I was watching "Supernanny" on TV last night and as usual I found my temper rising to boiling point. I ask myself, "What kind of society do we live in that a 4 year old can get away with swearing like a trooper, saying things like
I hate you mum,
f**k off mum,
f***ing w******s,
you b*****d, etc, hitting and biting his mother and getting away with it all?!!" The only thing he got that was close to a reprimand was
stop it! Dont yell at me! stay in your room! I tell you, my hands were itching to give one of them a good slap around the head, and it wasnt the little kid!
Whenever I see or hear things like this I entirely blame the parent(s) who, it seems, cannot discipline their child , either because they cannot be bothered or are unwilling/scared to do so because of "unspoken laws" about any kind of physical forms of disciplining children in this country. Most seem to forget that children follow by their example so its hardly surprising when kids pick up foul language when their parents are f***ing and blinding all over the place! I do not agree with the idea that physical punishment is 'harsh' and 'humiliating' for a child ; sure positive discipline is good but chlidren also need to be set boundaries and if a smack is called for, then so be it.
I applaud Supernanny's technique of
coming down to the child's level, making eye contact and speaking in a low, firm voice and if he/she continues to misbehave to send them off to the naughty step/corner where they can reflect on their bad behaviour. My own experience growing up back home was
that look from my mum or dad and that would be enough to make me behave. Failing that it was the
'koboko' or belt or slipper or whatever was within easy reach. ( by the way we only got smacked if we told lies repeatedly- one thing my parents instilled in us was telling the truth no matter what)
At the end of the day I dont believe smacking is wrong but obviously there is a thin line between discipline and abuse and care should be taken that it is not crossed. (Having attended primary and secondary school in Nigeria I look back now and think not all those punishments we received were in the name of discipline; some teachers were just plain spiteful! ) It is easier to instill values into a child when he is young than when he is older and set in his ways, as the good book says, "
train up a child in the way he should go and when he is older he will not depart from it."
NO, NO, NO!!!!!!
Yikes!!!! I just watched Kevin Federline performing his new single at the teen choice awards on
www.youtube.com.
All I have to say is "
it is not for everybody!!"Kevin luv.... Eminem you aint and never will be!!
OH THE JOYS OF FIRST DATES!
So I went out on a "date" the other night with some guy, after I'd finally run out of excuses for not being able to meet up. Now I think he's a nice guy, dont get me wrong, even though he's so not my type, we get on on ok and he makes me laugh (yeah, yeah I know I laugh at anything, but he actually is a funny person). My main problem with him is that for someone that isn't that close to me he was a bit too open for my liking.
Example: on the night we went out we were having a conversation in the taxi and I mentioned the fact that I was in agony the previous night due to a really bad tootache and had to see my dentsist as an emergency the next day. This led to us swapping different toothy horror stories and then he said ," Once I had this really excrutiating tootache and had to have the tooth opened up and they found out that the filling inside was rotting and infected, so it was extracted. And I tell you the smell that emanated was so horrible that I myself almost gagged from it!!!"
EEEEWWWWW!!!! You do not have that kind of conversation with a girl you hardly know whom you are taking out on a date for the first time and are trying to impress!! (Bearing in mind that we were on our way to dinner as well). Needless to say when he saw the expression on my face - I probably looked like i'd just been forced to swallow a whole bottle of cod-liver oil- he wisely decided to change the topic. Oh well,I guess I should be thankful that he didnt start regaling me with stories about his bowel habits!!!!
Anyway I came out relatively unscathed at the end of the night; I've heard worse stories of first dates from a few of my girlfriends and this was nothing compared to theirs.....Except this one time I went on a blind date on valentines day and the dude turned out to be my friend's younger brother who came unprepared for some reason; he didnt have any cash on him and so I ended up paying for the cab to and from the movie which we didnt get to see bcos he didnt have any money to pay for it!
